Hard Liquor in the Early Afternoon

Tribute to Johnny Cash
T. A. Fierro

Well I’ve drifted around for near most of my life,
None too keen on settlin’ down and takin’ a wife
I guess you’d say it’s something I’d come around to, some day…

But the older I get, I feel life’s vice starts to grip,
And as I pondered this one day, in a bar on the strip,
I approached a pretty young thing with a smile, and a quip…

But I guess I must have miss-judged my liquor intake,
As I began to spit and slur in my drunken state,
I failed to spot the local hoss and his look, of pure hate…

Well he came right up with a mean looking face
But he didn’t say much, so I went on with my chase…
And I’d like to say it was, all going well
But you know in my state, I forgot an important detail…

Well OK, so I’ll admit this now, to my eternal shame
I was just too darn drunk to remember this girl’s name!

And as I struck my luck with another bad guess,
This man done cussed and began to stress
And he cast me down with a mean lookin’ stare,
But I shot back across with an angrier glare!

So he drew out his fists, all ready for a fight
And as he gave me a smile, I saw his big over-bite
So I smiled right back, I’d seen my trump,
And I called him out loud, as a ‘bucked toothed chump!’

Now at this the fella takes some real offence,
As it seems the crowns on his teeth where of a great expense,
So he puffed out his chest and he shot right about, up to me, straight and tall.
And you know, it’s here some folks’d think I’d take my much due fall,
But the hell I did, I kicked him square in the balls!

And he falls…
Down to the ground with an undignified cry,
Rollin’ around on the floor, asking god why?
But I just sort of shrugged…
And as I lit myself a casual smoke,
I turned to this girl and tried to make a joke,
But as if to dig myself deeper in the hole,
I said ‘hey now, at least now he won’t need no birth control!’

But you know she turned a ripe shade of beet coloured red,
And as the tears started flowing out the side of her head,
She just screamed out loud and a hollered,
And with that the barman, came quickly down and had me collared…

And he threw me out, right onto the dirt covered street,
As I dusted myself off and rose to my feet,
I went to protest, but decided to make a hasty retreat,
As my stomach done churned, I knew that this time I was beat…

And later on with a steak and an ale, I reflected,
If at all there was moral to this tale?
And if there ever was one, I guess it would be
‘Startin’ out on the Whiskeys at 10am, just purely ain’t for me!’

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