THE WINE

INT.BACK ROOM – NIGHT

FADE IN

 

ROB is sat on the draining board, on the phone, kicking his feet, and writing ‘VAGINA’ on a post it note.

ROB

…What about my wine I’m not drinking it warm.

KANE walks past wearing a fleece over his uniform with ‘FILA’ written on the back. He opens the ice machine and puts some ice into a glass.

Rob looks at the ice machine and raises an eyebrow with a look of realisation.

As Kane walks past, Rob gently sticks the ‘VAGINA’ note under the ‘FILA’ logo on Kane’s fleece.

INT.SHOP FLOOR – NIGHT

Rob is texting with one hand and lazily wiping a table with the other. LISA is wiping the coffee machine and Kane is mopping the floor behind her.

Rob looks up from his phone remembering something.

ROB

Health inspection today isn’t it?

Lisa and Kane stop dead.

LISA

What health inspection?

ROB

Didn’t you read the letter? Came about a week ago.

LISA

Well where is it?

ROB

With the papers.

LISA

The papers we scatter around the shop every morning?

ROB

Obviously. It’s news. I put news with news.

LISA

Obviously!? Were you dropped as a baby!?

Rob widens his eyes as if she is over reacting.

There is a knock at the glass front door. A tall looming figure with bags under his eyes presses his identification against the glass.

Kane lets out a pathetic, childlike whine.

LISA

Kane shut up!

Kane shuts up immediately.

LISA

Offer him a drink, I’ll try and distract him. Fly round cleaning EVERYTHING.

Kane opens the door and greets JERRY, the health inspector. He waves his arm welcoming him into the shop like a waiter would in an expensive restaurant.

KANE

Coffee?

JERRY

Bit late for me ta. Just some iced water if you don’t mind.

Kane jogs to the back room to get Jerry some iced water, revealing the post it note.

JERRY

Is there a reason it says feel a vagina on your back?

KANE

Feel who’s vagina?

JERRY

The back.

KANE

I’m pretty sure they’re on the front.

JERRY

For christ’s sake, never mind!

ROB

Don’t mind him, he just has U.R.

JERRY

U.R?

ROB

Undiagnosed Retardation.

Jerry disapproves of this remark.

JERRY

I see. I’ll start with your waste disposal.

INT.BACK ROOM – NIGHT

Kane opens the ice machine. Three bottles of wine look back at him.

He picks up the wine. Lisa enters.

LISA

Where did they come from!?

KANE

I don’t know!

LISA

Pour them down the sink!

Kane opens a bottle and pours it down the sink.

LISA

We have to get rid of the smell! Wash it down with the tap.

Kane twists the tap handle. Nothing comes out. They look at each other in panic.

INT.BACK ROOM – FLASHBACK

Rob is pretending to act like he has special needs. He is slapping a load of random controls and buttons on the wall. He is mimicking a customer, entertaining Kane.

ROB

My laptops not connecting to the wi-fi! Meeeehhhhh!

He slaps more buttons pretending they are the laptop. We see a small display change to “WATER OFF”.

INT.BACK ROOM – PRESENT

Kane has his head in his hands panicking.

LISA

It can only be Rob’s.

 

KANE

Rob!

Rob enters, casually, snacking on crisps. He sees the wine.

ROB

Is it cold yet?

LISA

We’ll get fined if he sees this! Drink it!

INT.BACK ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Rob finishes the last bottle of wine. He looks ill.

Jerry enters.

JERRY

No issues with your waste, but you could do with cleaning the splattered milk on the wall…

He looks at Rob.

JERRY

Is he alright?

KANE

Really ill actually, sending him home now, can’t infect the work place! Go on Rob.

Kane gives Rob a nudge. Rob completely looses his balance and shoves Jerry head first into the dishwasher.

Jerry is not moving.

LISA

Shit. What have you done?

ROB

(slurred)

What are you on about? This is perfect. Put him back in his car.

(hiccups)

Clean the shop. Wait for him to wake up again.

Rob claps his hands together.

ROB

Clean slate. He’ll think he fell asleep in the car. You’re welcome.

Rob stumbles out the door.

INT.SHOP FLOOR – NIGHT

Jerry walks into the shop rubbing his head. Kane and Lisa are stood at the bar wearing superficial grins.

JERRY

Sorry I’m late. Must have dozed off.

KANE

Don’t worry about it. Iced water?

JERRY

(taken aback)

Yes please.

Kane turns round to go to the ice machine. Jerry squints to focus on the ‘VAGINA’ note written on his back.

JERRY

HOLD ON!

FADE OUT

 

LUKE DELANEY

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s