THE CARE HOME

INT. LANCASHIRE COUNTY COUNCIL CHILDREN’S HOME. SUNDAY MORNING.

 

RUN DOWN OFFICE, IN NEED OF MODERNISATION. CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS HANG IN THE BACKGROUND.

PATRICK, 48, WHITE IRISH, LARGE BUILD,UNSHAVEN, SITS ON A CHAIR BY HIS DESK IN THE OFFICE.

LEE, 31, WHITE BRITISH, ATHLETIC BUILD, WELL GROOMED, SITS ON A CHAIR BY HIS DESK, OPPOSITE PATRICK. BOTH MEN ARE SLEEPING.

THE OFFICE TELEPHONE RINGS, (BEAT), AND RINGS (BEAT). LEE EVENTUALLY ANSWERS.

 

LEE:

(Into phone). Good morning The Haven Lodge how can I help?(Beat). No worries that’s fine Julia, I’ll put that in our diary and we’ll see you Monday. Thanks for letting us know. (beat) You have a nice weekend, thanks again.

 

Lee hangs up.

PATRICK:

Who was that Lee?

LEE:

Samuel’s social worker letting us knows she’s coming on Monday for the STAT Visit.

PATRICK:

(Groan). Thank God it’s not today, couldn’t cope with that stuck up bitch pecking my head in this state.

LEE:

What a night Paddy, well what I can remember of it.

(Both men laugh).

PATRICK:

Tell me about it. My head is banging and my mouths as dry as a Nun’s c-

Phone rings. Both men groan. Lee picks up the phone.

 

PATRICK: (CONT’D)

The wife will be dragging me by the balls later tonight. I spent a fucking fortune pal.

 

LEE:

(Lee smiles and chuckles to himself). I feel your pain. Thank God I’m single, no one to answer too, just my handsome self.(Lee stands up and strikes a pose).

PATRICK:

Make sure you stay that way Lee, it’s one long rollercoaster to hell, when you’ve signed away your rights.

LEE:

I will stick to seeking the lust of a new fruit. The ladies are hanging off my belt, I need a cage to keep them at bay.

PATRICK:

This old man is getting jealous here.

(Both men chuckle).

PATRICK (CONT’D):

Talking about a new fruit did you –

LEE:

Did I what?

PATRICK:

You know. Do I have to spell it out to you?

LEE:

I don’t know what you’re on about you pillock.

PATRICK:

Lee, Lee, Lee. You must have thought I was born yesterday. I know about your past conquests and your reputation with the ladies.

Biggest player in Lancashire you always said.

 

LEE:

Okay. I went for a drink with the bar girl after the party and ended up at her flat. You know the blond that was eyeing me up all night?

PATRICK:

I know you went for a drink, but it was certainly no bar girl, more like a girl closer to home.

 

LEE:

I went back to hers for a few more sherbets and well you know one thing led to another. Do you want the finer details? It’ll only make you jealous.

PATRICK:

The truth may be a good start.

LEE:

This is the truth Paddy, how many more times do I have to explain myself?

 

PATRICK:

Are you sure it’s not a blonde girl(he gives two coughs). That works within these walls?

Lee slams down his cup of coffee.

LEE:

Nothing happened. Change the bloody record.

(Beat).

PATRICK:

Sorry Lee I was only pulling your leg.

 

LEE:

Okay yes I went back with Naomi from residential last night, but honestly we just talked and nothing else happened.

PATRICK:

Oh Naomi eh?

 

LEE:

I know she’s a free spirit that has been through the whole residential staff team, the admin team, not to forget to mention Simon from cleaning at last years Christmas party – but we had a nice moment.

PATRICK:

Nice moment? Was that under the bed sheets or on the couch?

LEE:

She was a great listener and a great friend last night.

 

 

 

PATRICK:

I bet she was Lee. (Chuckles). Was she complimenting you on your great looks or your wicked personality?

LEE:

Will you just fucking listen to what I’m saying. I confided in her about a small problem.

PATRICK:

What was that your manhood or ego?(Patrick laughs hysterically).

LEE:

I have testicular cancer.

Patrick continues to laugh.

LEE:

I have testicular cancer. Patrick. Patrick I have testicular cancer.

 

(Silence). Telephone rings. Patrick picks up the receiver and places it back down again.

 

PATRICK:

Oh Jesus. I’m so sorry Lee.

LEE:

No I’m sorry Paddy, I shouldn’t have. It’s just the news. Still hasn’t sunk in yet.

 

PATRICK:

When did you find out?

LEE:

I got a letter from the hospital yesterday morning. I went for an ultrasound last week and well, it said. (Beat). I had cancer.

PATRICK:

Why did you not say anything earlier?

 

LEE:

I found this lump weeks ago, yet I didn’t give it a second thought.

You know how it is Paddy, I was at home watching T.V with my hands down my shorts, and I thought that felt odd.

 

PATRICK:

I don’t know what to say.

A teary Lee stares at Patrick. Patrick hugs him.

PATRICK (CONT’D):

I’ll take care of you Lee, we’ll fight this together. No wonder you got wrecked last night.

LEE:

Thank you Paddy, you’re a great man. I just didn’t know what to do.

PATRICK:

Lee, I’m glad you told me. I’m here for you remember that.

LEE:

I appreciate that Paddy.

PATRICK:

What’s the next step?

LEE:

I’m being monitored this week, they’re happy it’s been found early. I’ll have the operation next week to remove the cancerous testicle. I’m just hopeful they can do it using radiotherapy and not go down the chemotherapy path. I’m more terrified of losing my hair than losing a ball.

PATRICK:

These people know what they’re doing pal. You’re in the best place possible.

LEE:

You’ll laugh at this Paddy, I’m also booked into a sperm centre in town tomorrow to have some of my sperm store, just in case I want kids in the future. I never thought I did, but it’s made me think.

There’s a big chance of me shooting blanks after next week.

PATRICK:

Sorry Lee I shouldn’t laugh but (laughs). I just had this picture in my head of you in this clinic reading a top shelf mag and watching a blue movie whilst some sexy nurse is helping you direct your swimmers into a pot.

(Both laugh).

 

LEE:

I bloody hope so man, that would help me perform for sure.

PATRICK:

You’ll come out of this a stronger person.

LEE:

Thanks, I hope you’re right.

PATRICK:

Who else have you spoke to about this? Have you told your parents?

LEE:

Just you and Naomi at the minute. I’m building up the courage to tell my mum and dad.

PATRICK:

Please make sure you do Lee, you need all your family and friends supporting you.

 

LEE:

It’s so emasculating though Paddy, the thought of walking around with one ball.

PATRICK:

Any woman with a heart or an ounce of credibility in my book will be more than supportive with what you are going and the operation you are going to have.

Phone rings, Patrick answers.

PATRICK:

(Into phone). Hello Haven Lodge how may I be of assistance? (Beat). No worries Mrs Jackson, I’m glad he’s had a good day. (Beat). That’s fine see you shortly.

 

Patrick hangs up.

LEE:

I’m scared Paddy, I’m scared.

 

WARREN LEE JONES

 

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